Saturday, December 19, 2009
Chapter Four- My Lost Love
Girls couldn't keep Kyra warm enough at night. As much as I hated the idea of her sleeping with another man, it was the only option. I chose who she would sleep with. Jearshon has been my best friend since Chaysin died. He knows I love her. He would only do what was absolutely necessary to keep her warm, safe, and alive. Nothing more. Or so i thought. We started our descent from the summit a couple of weaks back. Its not cold anymore. Its actually warm enough to sleep without bedding at night. Sleeping in couples is no longer needed. Most people have gone back to sleeping alone. Jearshon and Kyra are still sleeping together. The way he looks at her has changed. He plays games with her and teases her. I can't stand it. The worst part is the way she now looks at him. She teases him back and goes along with his games. I'm very observant and I'm not stupid. I can see whats going to happen if I don't stop it. Kyra can sense the tense feelings between me and Jearshon whenever shes around. She has seen me watching them with a look of disgust sweeping across my face. Her intuition senses whats going to happen soon. One night when were relaxing around the fire. She approaches me. She makes small conversion to make things less awkward. Then she starts on what she really came to talk to me about. She tells me she knows I don't like whats going on between her and Jearshon. She thinks I'm going to physically harm him. The old me would. I've changed. I told her I won't hurt him and I'm not planning to. Its his decision if hes going to get hurt or not. I let a couple of days pass so things can settle down a bit. One day when we are taking a water break I pull Jearshon away from everyone for a second. I see the look of horror on his face. He knew there would be a consequence. I start off telling him I'm not planning on hurting him. He calms down a bit. I ask him what he is doing. What his intentions with Kyra are. He tells me he has fallen in love with her and he is pretty sure she has fallen for him as well. I feel my heart tear a little. He says he only moved in because he thought that my feelings had changed towards her. He thought thay if I could physically hurt her there is no way I could feel the same way about her. I tell him about my dream. He gets a panicked look on his face. If I force him to tell her he can't be with her she will be crushed and my chances with her would be slim to none. If I leave it alone and let the fire between them get out of control I'll never have a chance. Then I would have nothing to fight for. This whole journey would have been a waste of time and a waste of lost lives. I know the only thing I can do is leave it. If she isn't happy I'm not happy. If I'm not happy I'll start with my old ways again. I tell him that if he breaks her heart I'll kill him. He looks at me with a look of relief and gratitude. I tell him to leave me. I think about crying. I want to but that won't get me anywhere. I gather my emotions and join the group again. We move on. Kyra joins Jearshon on his horse. A tear slips for my eye. I wipe it away. No one notices.